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The Ships Cat

Them Old Jokes

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So being a ships cat I get bored sometimes after a heavy days murdering of rodents and keeping me shipmates happy with a bit of purring and meowing.

 

Now and again I like to visit me other ship born mates and hear their stories, the goats are a bit boring but the ducks are great.

 

My old mate Quack the duck (known him a month, heard he's going in the pot) told me a great story the other day about a visit he made to a pub in old blighty London.

 

Quack the Duck walks into a pub and asks - "Got any bread mate?"

 

Barman - "No"

Duck - Got any bread mate?

Barman - No!

Duck - Got any bread mate?

Barman - No!

Duck - Got any bread mate?

Barman - No!

Duck - Got any bread mate?

Barman - No!

Duck - Got any bread mate?

Barman - No! ... If you ask me again I'll nail your beak to the bar!

Duck - Got any nails mate?

Barman - No!

Duck - Good! 

Duck - Got any bread mate?

 

Ooops gotta go, I think the bosuns just thrown himself overboard!

 

Tell us an old joke please, I need something to share with Quack the duck before he goes.

Poor Quack.

Edited by The Ships Cat

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A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Hey buddy, why the long face?"

 

A cowboy walks into a saloon dressed entirely in paper clothing. He's arrested for rustling.

 

A guy walks into a bar carrying a set of jumper cables.

The bartender says, "Look mister, don't try to start anything in here!"

 

The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve faster than light particles in here!"

A tachyon walks into a bar.

 

A room temperature superconductor walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve your kind in here!"

The room temperature superconductor leaves without resistance.

 

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

 

A priest, a rabbi and an atheist walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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A programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."

The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

 

EDIT: Well, Derr !!!!

Edited by CaptainSteve

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  A true story .A well known Irish comedian known for his fondness of a drink went on a 2 week bender and on eventualy returning home met his rather angry looking wife waiting at the door . He looked her straight in the eye and shouted , Why the hell didn,t you pay the ransom????

tarbrush, geoff, JRB9019 and 4 others like this

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Sounds of groaning and whimpering. :rolleyes:  Sheesh, what a load of canned corn! :o

As they say in some parts of New York, Oy Vey.

CaptainSteve likes this

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Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?

 

To hide in cherry trees.

 

Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?   Works, doesn't it?

Padeen and CaptainSteve like this

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At the risk of offending some of these jokesters, most of them are.....well,  stinky !

 

Montani semper liberi  Happy modeling

   Crackers    :(:huh::o

 

 

 

That's sort of the point Crackers! Surely you know a few old jokes too! :)

Edited by Salty Sea Dog
neptune and avsjerome2003 like this

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You can tune a piano, but you can't tune a fish!

 

Honest Cap'n, the devil made me do it! :rolleyes:

CaptainSteve likes this

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