The Ships Cat

Them Old Jokes

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My son said to me the other day "Daddy" he said. (bless him he's only 19). "Can you imitate a frog?". "Why do you ask my beloved little one " I said. "Well daddy, mummy said when you croak we can go to Disneyland"! Kids can be so cruel. ! :o

mtaylor, dadodude and CaptainSteve like this

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A man goes to the doctor & says "Doctor whenever I hear Sammy Davis JR, or Ella Fitzgerald sing I feel sick". "I know what that is " says the doctor "You are suffering from samandella :o

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A man goes to the doctor & says "Doctor whenever I hear Sammy Davis JR, or Ella Fitzgerald sing I feel sick". "I know what that is " says the doctor "You are suffering from samandella :o

 

Groannnn......

geoff and Jack12477 like this

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You could toss the dog in swimming pool and call him "Bob".

That is even sicker.

 

Almost like . . . . I forgot, but it was a good one!!!!.

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for centuries two tribes had been fighting for the ownership of a huge stone throne. They fought battles & the winners took the throne away. One day a chief said "I'm fed up of this,next time we get the throne off the others we will hide it". This came to pass & the chief hid the throne on top of his hut. That night there was an almighty CRASH. The throne came through the roof & crushed the chief. The moral of this story is  "People who live in grass houses shouldn,t stow thrones! Sorry!! ;)

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Ok here's another. An Innuit was out fishing in his canoe. As the weather was a bit rough he got blown further & further out to sea& he was very cold. all he had with him was a box of matches, so he broke a piece off his canoe & lit it & warmed his hands but he soon got even colder so he kept breaking bits off & burning them till there was none left & the canoe sank & he drowned. AAAH!!,  so the moral of this story is.  "You can,t have your kayak & heat it"!  Once again, I,m sorry & going into hiding!! :o

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The road workers drove out to a remote site only to find that they left all their shovels etc behind. The boss of the gang said: "Ill drive back and get them, in the mean time you'll just have to lean on each other"

dadodude, tasmanian, geoff and 2 others like this

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The Inuit "joke" reminded me of a riddle......and I paraphrase here.

There was an Inuit out in his canoe hunting for seals and doing pretty well.  He had been gone for a few days and ran out of matches and was desperate for a cigarette of which he had plenty.   So, how did he light up????................

 

He threw one cigarette over board and made the canoe a "cigarette lighter."     

 

I am ashamed for this contribution

 

Allan

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my son got an apprenticeship with the local Council's horticulture department. He came home one day & said "dad Iv'e got the sack" . "Why" I said. The boss said "Because your wheelbarrow wheel was going squeak.............squeak..........squeak" . What's wrong with that " said my son. "Well" said the boss it should be going squeak,squeak,squeak!!! :o

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Two eskimos were preparing for a day's fishing, when one says to the other, "I have often wondered why we have many words for snow, but seem to have only one for a boat – kayak."

 

"That is indeed true," said the other, turning to his companion. "I can't think of another term, canoe?" :rolleyes:

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The old tribal shaman spent most every day looking at the sun trying to figure out just where it came from. He woke really early one morning, and it finally dawned on him!

mtaylor, Canute, trippwj and 6 others like this

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this is not a joke as such, but try this when you have nothing else to do. Sit down & cross your right leg over your left. Now with your right foot draw a clockwise circle, keep it going & with your right forefinger draw an anti clockwise  figure "6" in the air & see what happens! :o

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this is not a joke as such, but try this when you have nothing else to do. Sit down & cross your right leg over your left. Now with your right foot draw a clockwise circle, keep it going & with your right forefinger draw a clockwise  figure "6" in the air & see what happens! :o

 

That is just freaky (and yes I can pat my head with one hand while rubbing my belly with the other).  :)

 

Bob

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What do you call two guys hanging on a wall? "Curt & Rod"

 

What do you call a guy w/ no arms or legs in a pile of leaves? "Russell"

 

What do you call a guy w/ no arms or legs in a hole? "Phil"

 

What do you call a guy w/ no arms or legs in a hot tub? "Stew"

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