The Ships Cat

Them Old Jokes

1,349 posts in this topic

TODAY’S LAUGH
 
Only a person in Texas could think of this:


From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story.
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin, Texas. After last
call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles,
the man managed to find his car and fall into it.
He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night,
flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for
a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.
At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out
and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car,
put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station.
This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'

 

"I doubt it", said the truly proud Texan.  'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'

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Traffic report just in. A truck carrying hair care products has been Hi Jacked. Police are combing the area looking for suspects. More later!

Omega1234, neptune, mtaylor and 2 others like this

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7 minutes ago, pollex said:

Groan!!! That's an oldie. The late Sir David Frost included that on his

33-1/3 album "The Frost Report on Everything!" 40 years ago.  MP

 

Been a long time since I heard the name, David Frost mentioned. Brings back good memories of when I used to spend a lot of time listening to AM radio and not too much television. Back then, they had some great, entertaining radio programs on at night. 

mtaylor, neptune, geoff and 4 others like this

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On 23/05/2017 at 9:26 PM, Amfibius said:

Those jokes above are terrible!! So here's my revenge: 

 

18700176_10154912254536886_3410200217437215975_n.jpg.54c749a3d982b3f4d45292c64f8311fa.jpg

Ok.  Wait for it....I'd be lioning if I said I didn't find that funny.  Umm...I'll go home now...

mtaylor, Canute, John Allen and 5 others like this

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That song reminds me of Fort Bragg in Fayetteville, N.C. 

The song was popular in the sixties when I was in that town. It was a great town back then. Haven't been back there in many moons.

Canute, geoff, donrobinson and 2 others like this

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32 minutes ago, geoff said:

try this one with the kids.    When I was 6 years old, my sister was 3. Half my age.  Now I am 60 how old is my sister?

If their mother raised them properly, they will answer, 29. 

Do you know a woman who tells the truth about their age once they pass 21?

Some of the women in my family forbid that their birth dates be put upon their tomb stones, that's how serious they were about keeping their age a secret. :rolleyes:

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I told my son he was catching up to my age and explained it as that.

 

He was born when I was 15 (step son). When I was 30 he was 15. Now he's 41 but I'm not 82.

mtaylor, Canute, Omega1234 and 3 others like this

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I have a confession. I do not have a sister, I will be 74 on 26th June. The question I asked yesterday was a puzzle tried on myself, so I thought I would pass it on to my MSW friends to try on others! Sorry!!

Canute, mtaylor, neptune and 1 other like this

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Little Johnny gets all dressed for Halloween Tricking and Treating as pirate.  At the first house he goes to, an elderly lady answers the door, loudly exclaims "Oh what an adorable and cute pirate" gives him a big hug.  She then sets him back on the ground, looks around and asks:  "Well.. where are your buccaneers?" To which he replies: "Under by Buccanhat!" and runs off.

 

Ok... I've got my hat and coat...  I'll go quietly.  coat_32.png.a6dc36391ea3fb14a652f9cb56c4bca6.png

CDW, donrobinson, Cathead and 8 others like this

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