Jump to content
The Ships Cat

Them Old Jokes

Recommended Posts

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an American
archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story
published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of
250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an
advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the
British".

One week later, Australia's Northern Territory Times, reported the
following:

"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek, Northern
Territory, aboriginal Billi Bunji, a self-taught archaeologist, reported
that he found absolutely f#@k-all.
Billi has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already
gone wireless..."

Makes me feel bloody proud to be Australian!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ahoy shipmates!

 

Long time much sea.

 

I've been aboard or abroad for the last four or five thousand years or so as you will know, in that time I have picked up much gallows humour.

 

Last time I was in Blighty I was sitting on the pub bar when the barmaid shouted "does anyone know CPR?

 

I shouted back "I know every letter of the alphabet love".

 

The whole ships company laughed.

 

Well all except for one bloke.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Cut Bank.

 

She said since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.

The temperature is 30 below zero and the north wind is increasing.  Wind chill is -51.  

Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.

She says if it gets much worse she may have to let the drunken bastard in.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, BETAQDAVE said:

Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Cut Bank.

 

She said since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.

The temperature is 30 below zero and the north wind is increasing.  Wind chill is -51.  

Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.

She says if it gets much worse she may have to let the drunken bastard in.

AHH HA HA HA HA 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Some more Will Roger isms:

    A farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer.

    

    Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects. ;)

 

    People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.:o

 

    No one can be condemned for having a dog.  As long as you have a dog, you have a friend; and the poorer you get, the better friend you have.:P

 

    The problem with some practical jokes is that they very often get elected.:D 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For those among us who used to deal with things that fly and people who fly them.

Pilots & Mechanics

Pilot Problems and Solutions are recorded in the Aircraft logbook. Surprises Lurk.

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

Lou

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

About us

Modelshipworld - Advancing Ship Modeling through Research

SSL Secured

Your security is important for us so this Website is SSL-Secured

NRG Mailing Address

Nautical Research Guild
237 South Lincoln Street
Westmont IL, 60559-1917

About the NRG

If you enjoy building ship models that are historically accurate as well as beautiful, then The Nautical Research Guild (NRG) is just right for you.

The Guild is a non-profit educational organization whose mission is to provide support to our members in their efforts to raise the quality of their model shipcraft.

The Nautical Research Guild puts on ship modeling seminars, yearly conferences, and juried competitions. We publish books on ship modeling techniques as well as our world-renowned quarterly magazine, The Nautical Research Journal, whose pages are full of articles by master ship modelers who show you how they build those exquisite details on their models, and by maritime historians who show you what details to build.

Our Emblem

Modelshipworld - Advancing Ship Modeling through Research
×