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Them Old Jokes

The Ships Cat

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So being a ships cat I get bored sometimes after a heavy days murdering of rodents and keeping me shipmates happy with a bit of purring and meowing.


Now and again I like to visit me other ship born mates and hear their stories, the goats are a bit boring but the ducks are great.


My old mate Quack the duck (known him a month, heard he's going in the pot) told me a great story the other day about a visit he made to a pub in old blighty London.


Quack the Duck walks into a pub and asks - "Got any bread mate?"


Barman - "No"

Duck - Got any bread mate?

Barman - No!

Duck - Got any bread mate?

Barman - No!

Duck - Got any bread mate?

Barman - No!

Duck - Got any bread mate?

Barman - No!

Duck - Got any bread mate?

Barman - No! ... If you ask me again I'll nail your beak to the bar!

Duck - Got any nails mate?

Barman - No!

Duck - Good! 

Duck - Got any bread mate?


Ooops gotta go, I think the bosuns just thrown himself overboard!


Tell us an old joke please, I need something to share with Quack the duck before he goes.

Poor Quack.

Edited by The Ships Cat
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  • 1 year later...

Car Keys-

They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband:"I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."

There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice."Are you kidding me?" he barked, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He retorted,"I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your damn car!"

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Back in the '80's, a consultant that was advising us on e-mail, on-line documents, etc cautioned us not to get too carried away with it, saying


"A paperless office is about as practical as a paperless bathroom".


Wise words I never forgot.



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The Senior Breakfast Special


The 2.99Special

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said, 'But I don't want the eggs.'
‘Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.
'YES!' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.

She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS! WE'VE been around the block more than once!

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