Jump to content

Recommended Posts

  • 2 weeks later...

In honor of April Fools Day, here are a few quotes from some well known figures.


  A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

Douglas Adams

  I have great faith in fools,— self-confidence my friends will call it.

Edgar Allan Poe

  I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

Alan Core

  Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

Will Rogers

  April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

Mark Twain

  A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.

William Shakespeare

  The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

Will Rogers

Link to post
Share on other sites

    Last year some idiot on the west side of town, clocking in at over 110 MPH in a 25 zone in the early morning, easily eclipsed your record.  However, sad to say, he literally flew off the road and ran down an older couple out walking their dog on the SIDEWALK, killing the husband and critically injuring his wife.  

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a few  -  "Cough - cough"


651)  Once saw a load of insects going over a bridge - Flyover.

652)  Cure for watching paint dry - start at the bottom and work up.

653)  Best Ham - dont like the worst one.

654)  I got 26 A levels - I cant spell.

655)  What a brimming idea - buy a new hat.

656)  Fed up at the fish restaraunt the other night when the fish kept rolling of my plate - well it was skate.

657)  "Twang" went the twee pot.

658)  Twisted sense of humour - I laugh first then tell a joke.

659)  We buy Cow & Gate stuff - should see the size of out field.

660)  I wear my glasses upside - down - swear I can read a book upside down.

661)  Multi-Talented painter I am - You want to see our Rainbow Walls.

662)  Always keep our toaster on its side - The spread fall off otherwise.

663)  Ok quite an emulsionable person I am - but I just gloss over it.

664)  The tale of two tales told by a Tabby - so that makes three tails.

665)  Facinate - why cant you do up seven.

666)  Im always pondering - got thousands of gold fish now.

667)  "Tickady Boo" said the clock playing hide and seek.

668)  So I shouted "I dont have a stable side" - but I am a little horse.

669)  I love my greens in a strange way - you could say im pea culiar.

670)  Banana Boat - Think I did it wrong as we sank I peeled it first.

671)  I always keep the skins on my veggies when I fry them, all the time - dont want no flash in the pan.

672)  My uncle Peter is so fed up of Peppers.

673)  "Turn over a new leaf" - I was in the park all day.

674)  I get haunted by repetative ghost dreams - it just stands there going - "Oy You - Oy You - Oy You - Oy You - Oy You".

675)  Thats the last time I take a tree down to the station - looking for the branch line.

676)  So I came back with a spare goose - Im sure the wife said Asparagus is nice with food.

677)  Banksy's work is amazing he;s like our herro, even if we dont know him and he is Incognito.

678)  I used to work with Archy Mendes he invented the double ended hammer.

679)  History arrives in waves I thought when I visited the coast - Ups I was standing to close to the sea.

680)  Just done myself an injury putting shelves up with my legs around my kneck - Imsure DIY stood for Do It Yoga.

681)  Just lost my glasses - hang on a minute let me get my glasses to find them.

682)  Soemone was talking to me other day they said Frankly I ignored them my name aint Frank or Lee.

683)  Our rubbish keeps dissapearing when we put it out after seven - it just Hibinates.

684)  And those Extra Strong mints - Couldn't pick em up.

685)  Im not too pleased myself this evening cuz my wife  made me go and sweep up all thiose polo centeres that fell on the floor.

686)  "Im Drifting - Im Drifting" said me while eating my fave choco bar.

687)  So I stood infront of the mirror and shouted "Pleh Pleh" as I stood on a Tac Tick.

688)  Heard about the shop they just opened up in Andover - its called The Money.

689)  Heard they have just opened up a new swimming pool for fast wimmers - you have to wear your speedo's.

690)  So love Tricholate - cant beat Three types of chocolate together.

691)  Went to my docs told him I want to go Bridge building - he said "dont worry it will soon flyover".

692)  I stood at the Bar for hours but nothing happened - it was down at the breaker up yard though.

693)  I think I have converted my Gran off Bread - Go Naan.

694)  Where can I get refils from for whistles - mine has run out of air.

695)  So we went window shopping and got loads of frames so I said to the wife when we going to the beach for the glass.

696)  Tarzan went to the dentist when asked if he wants a needle he replied - "Arghhh arhhhh arhhhh - arhhhh arhhhh Arhhhhh".

697)  So I got my two friends Strait and Narrow to help me put some shelves up but it all went wrong - they held the wrong ends.

698)  So I was told they would need some work done in the triage department - so i took my shears with me.

699)  You were joking when you said "Put the flour in the baskets" gone all pushy now.

700) "Kilo - What"   -  I said I was deaf,

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Create New...