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Them Old Jokes

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1 hour ago, Captain Slog said:

It's not a difficult concept

 did you did you say something?

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17 hours ago, probablynot said:

Ah.  Many years ago I worked for the UK Inland Revenue.  My policy was, if I arrived at the office late, I had to leave early to compensate...

Apparently that's not such an original idea Brian.   Perhaps it's more of a time honored policy than you thought.

 

   “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”

– Charles Lamb

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This past week at the circus, The Great Zambini  was performing his cannon act when his lucky donkey stepped in front of the barrel just as Zambini was leaving the muzzle. Doctors spent the next 8 hours pulling Zambinis head from his ***.

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    While my father was in Germany in WWII he heard this one and told it to us more than once when we were kids.

    During a heated battle in WWII,  a sergeant, a corporal and a private became seperated from their unit and were captured by several Germans and held in a farmhouse under guard.  After several days of their detention, the three planned an escape.  After breaking a board at the rear of the building one night, they waited for the sentry to pass.  When he finally did, the sergeant squeezed out, ran across a field and dove into some bushes. The sentry who heard a rustle, turned and shouted, "Who goes?"  The sergeant thought for a moment, then replied, "Meow."

    "Ah," the sentry relaxed and said out loud to himself, "only za cat."

    The two remaining GIs waited for the sentry to pass again.  As soon as he did, the corporal made his run for the bushes.  Diving in, the sentry heard that rustle again and yelled, "Who goes?"

    "Meow," said the corporal.

    "Ah, only za cat again," the sentry said, and he resumed his march once more.

    Finally it was the privates turn to make his escape.  He successfully made his run for those same bushes and dove in.  Once again the sentry heard the commotion and demanded a little louder this time, "Who goes?"

    The private, thought briefly and quite confidently replied "Za cat."

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 How about a few choice quotes  by George Carlin:

 

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

 

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.”

 

“I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”

 

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”:huh:

 

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”

 

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”

 

“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”

 

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4 minutes ago, BETAQDAVE said:

ave you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

That one really made me laugh out loud.

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46 minutes ago, lmagna said:

At last I have found a historical modeling subject that I can build with my talent level that will result in a museum quality build:

    Of course she was not invisible, so she could still be detected.  It's a good thing that the Invisible Man didn't get his hands on it or we would really be in trouble!

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I just bought a wonder woman doll and a miniature doll chair. Mine will be the most authentic.

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