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Them Old Jokes

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Subject: Just dropping you a note to say goodbye ..,
 
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To help save the economy, the Government just announced that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors instead of illegals in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.

Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.

I started to cry when I thought of you.

Then it dawned on me ... oh, crap ... I'll see you on the bus!

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image002.jpeg.2b64ace124b9cb744d7ec21f4ca165e8.jpeg

It's winter in Minnesota,
And the gentle breezes  blow,  
70 miles per hour at 52 below!  
Oh, how I love Minnesota 
When the snow's up to your butt;  
You take a breath of winter air  
And your nose is frozen shut.  
Yes, the weather here is  wonderful,  
You may think I'm a fool.  
I could never leave Minnesota ,  
Cause I'm frozen to the stool.
 
 

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On 1/14/2020 at 3:52 AM, mtaylor said:

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A friend of a friend had Monty Python's "Always look on the bright side of life" song as a ringtone... until he forgot to mute his phone and it rang during a funeral...

 

Nick

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1 hour ago, Old Collingwood said:

"by the sound of the other cars he hit".

I think you must be exporting some of your drivers over here. We have all too many drivers in my area that seem to use the same method.

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Our wives should get together Grant.

 

Mine parks so far from the curb that I normally have to go out and re-park it so the it does not get hit by other cars going down the street or get a ticket. 12" from the curb or less is legal here and often she is at least double that distance! If she has to parallel park between two other cars she won't even try! She will go elsewhere, blocks if necessary.

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I like this driving 'by ear' ;)  Actually, I am turning down the music as well, less to hear what is going on, but more for the reason that men seem to be wired more for single-tasking - music is distracting (today, with the distance sensors, my car automatically turns down the sound).

 

My version of the joke on parking skills: Two elderly American ladies finally manage to park their car and then the driver says to the passenger: "Let's walk the few steps to the curb".

 

Incidentally, my wife hates when I am too close to the curb, because with a high curb it is difficult to get out of the seat. And when I am just the width of a foot away it is worse - too far to step onto the curb and too close to step between the curb and the car ...

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This wife/driving/parking thing seems to be more of a universal thing than I realized! :blink: I leave the music up, in fact the older I get the louder it is getting. I drive by feel. If it doesn't make a thump and bounce the car then I must have missed it.

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Many years ago the German automobile club undertook an anxiety study among passengers: they installed a pressure sensitive pad at the footboard of the passenger seat; first they let the husband drive, with the wife in the passenger seat and then vice versa - it turned out that wifes were much more relaxed/complacent then their husbands ...

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19 minutes ago, wefalck said:

it turned out that wifes were much more relaxed/complacent then their husbands

That's because they aren't driving when they are sitting in the passenger seat. When the man in in the passenger seat it means his wife is driving. I have seen my wife drive, believe me there is justification for tenseness, if not outright fear.:blink:

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    A local builder that I had drawn several addition plans for, had a somewhat similar experience many years ago, but with some more drastic results.  His home had an extra deep two car garage.  It had two separate overhead doors with a twelve inch partition between them.  While at work on a job he got a call from his wife that he had to come home right away. 

   When he got home he said he just stared in disbelief for a second at the scene.  Turned out that when backing the family car out of the garage there was a slight mishap.  For some reason or other she had not only backed out too fast, but had also turned the wheel before clearing the garage.  The car was parked with the lower portion of that center partition lying on the driveway, and the upper portion supported by the trunk of their car. 

    Luckily, being a builder by trade, he and his crew went right to work.  The sagging garage roof was jacked back up, allowing the car to be moved out of the way for it to be taken to the body shop for repairs.  Having built the home himself, he had built it so solidly that the other than replacing the partition, the roof needed only some minor repairs.

    The car however, needed extensive repairs to the tune of about seven grand.  Luckily the garage itself only cost a small fraction of that to repair.

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