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The Ships Cat

Them Old Jokes

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Doctor Who swung by last Saturday. He took me for a ride in his ship (The Tardis). We travelled forward to the year 2049. Then magically the doors opened and I saw my lounge room. And the Doctor said "see, you do finish that ship.

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It's because of the failed environmental policies of the Bush Administration.

 

I actually heard one time on our local station that there would be a lot of moisture in the air in San Francisco. Due to rain.

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Folks in Cali have to be reminded from time to time that precipitation does occur in the Golden State, even if it's not too common recently. :rolleyes:

 

The times I spent in Sacramento and Merced were cool, foggy and drizzily in the fall/winter months. Fog played heck with the flying schedule. :(

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Late one night a masked robber pulled a gun on a well dressed gentleman and demanded "Give my your money!!"  Scandalized, the man said "How dare you, I am a very high ranking elected politician!!!!"   The gunman replied "Oh, sorry, in that case, give me back MY money!"

Allan

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An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian

anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs.

 

Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even 

greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.

 

Where, if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen 
table were 

literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkled cookies.
 Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted
 Italian wife of sixty years,

seeing to it that he left this world a happy 
man?

 

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of 

the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing
 him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of 
the table, when 

it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife..... 

 

"Don't touch!" she said, "They're for the funeral."

Edited by KeithW

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Hi Keith

 

I was reading the joke this morning and as I was doing so, I wondered where's this all heading to. Then I read the punch line and bam, it hit me in the head!

 

Dat's another good'un for sure!

 

Cheers

 

Patrick

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Just add Vodka and you have the best of both

 You know, actually, there's a certain logic in that.

 

Say I plan to drink a 5th of vodka tonight and I have some banana cream pie. If I add 1 cup each of pie and vodka, well, let's just call that 1000 calories + a jigger of vodka at 95 calories... Call it 1100 calories.

 

Now if I add another cup of Vodka, why now the ratio is 2 to 1 so we're down 1/3 and 737 calories! Another cup of vodka and we're at 275 calories.

 

I prefer Admiral Nelsons Spiced Rum and a little Root Beer.

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