Tools described

[Ian_Grant]

OOPS!  I see I duplicated the first entry, replying to Steven. Oh well, mine has pictures 😄

[Kolvir]

Socket set - AKA temporary confidence tool. Makes you feel ready for any job that will arise, but will be missing the size you actually need. Should always be paired with pliers or channel locks. Will be in SAE or Metric, the opposite of what your job needs. See also: wrench set.

 

Similar confident feelings can be found with the Tap & Die set, Stripped Screw Head remover set and drill bit set(always should have bought the next bigger set). 

 

Channel Locks, or adjustable pliers. Like the adjustable wrench, also used to round off nuts and bolt heads that fit the missing socket, guaranteed. Large grip allows plenty of force, but never where needed. Doubles as replacement oil filter wrench when that goes missing, if of large enough size. See also, Vice Grips.

 

Extra-Large flathead screwdriver; the most incorrectly named tool. Will never be used to turn screws. Is actually a one use pry bar, and likely to be hammered though the oil filter you crushed with the large channel locks in the next failed attempt to remove it. Also causes confusion and countless wasted hours as you stare blankly at it and think about whether you should just get up and look for the 'real' tool again.

AKA as the doppelgänger, or changeling  tool, as it appears to be just right for your intended use, but never actually works. Often disguises itself as a gasket scraper, and feeds off of aluminum shavings of ruined car parts. Possessed by demons as it causes curses that make your family cry and temps you more than a 17 year, 11 month, 29 day old neighbor girl.(or that second, and third, doughnut.)

 

MAAP torch. AKA illusion dispeller. Will amazingly reveal what really needs replaced. Used to heat a stuck part that you think is only thing needing replacement, but reveals several other nearby smoking parts also needing replaced, that were cleverly disguised as functional and non-smoking mere moments earlier. 

 

Penetrating Oil. Most believed myth of the modern era. Makes you waste massive funds stocking up different brands and used in massive quantities before using the MAAP torch and after the channel locks.  Also possessed; feeds on money and has memory wiping capabilities; you will never learn from this mistake. Very evil and to avoided at all costs. I think I need to stock up on some more and there is this new one that sounds like a real breakthrough and I just didn't give it enough soaking time...

Edited April 9, 2022 by Kolvir

[sticker]

A    tuit.....usually circular in shape,  but an essential tool  so you tell the captain   yes dear I,ll do that job  when I get    a round tuit   .  apologies     sticker

[mtaylor]

6 hours ago, sticker said:

A    tuit.....usually circular in shape,  but an essential tool  so you tell the captain   yes dear I,ll do that job  when I get    a round tuit   .  apologies     sticker

Be careful with that one.  My second wife got a bunch of these....   And I note they now come in all sorts of designs and colors.

[Snug Harbor Johnny]

  "I'll do it first."  meaning the first chance I get.

 

[AON]

We called it "a round tuit" because it would get done when we got "a round tuit". 

[Louie da fly]

[lmagna]

At last! A workable way to enjoy corn-on-the-cob.